And the moon, it shined. The Bee? Well...

7 Things "Good Parents" Do.

Thanks to my daily dose of “The Daily What” I learned about an article on cracked.com that lists the 7 things we think we need to do in order to raise successful, smart, well-balanced children, but that really aren’t. The article is funny, but certainly not kid friendly, so I offer you a cleaned up summary of the article. I cannot stress enough how accurate this list is, but you can also read it as a light-hearted theory. The research is plausible and the images I picked out are random google images. Here it is:

It seems like it’s close to impossible to raise a normal child these days, what with the violent video games and the 4chan and the childhood obesity. But if the latest research is to be believed, even the good stuff we thought we were doing for our kids is ruining them.

#7: GIVING YOUR KID A CREATIVE NAME

You’d think…

You want your kid to be special. There are a few million Daves, Bobs and Johns running around NOT being totally awesome and obviously it’s all because of their boring names. So you decide to name your son something original, like Nghuf, Laurel or Mercutio.

But in Reality…

According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens. The study lists the top 10 bad boy names in America as: Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter.

The theory is that the additional attention garnered by odd and unusual names can cause peer ridicule and discrimination in the workforce.

# 6: TEACHING KIDS TO BE THEMSELVES

You’d Think…

Peer pressure is the thing that makes kids do illegal activities. As countless PSAs and after-school specials taught us, we must teach our kids to be themselves and not care about what their “friends” think.

But in Reality…

Remember that smelly kid in school, who never washed his hair and had no friends? That’s your kid, without peer pressure. A study conducted at the University of Virginia showed that kids who were exposed to peer pressure around the ages of 12 and 13 turned out to be way more well-adjusted than the ones who weren’t. They better understood the need to accommodate and make compromises when confronted with social pressure, rather than the “I’ll just take my ball and go home” attitude they adopt otherwise.

The kids who were taught to be themselves no matter what didn’t become walking clones of James Dean. They actually turned out less engaged, socially challenged and statistically less intelligent, their GPAs dropping almost an entire letter grade.

Maybe more importantly, when you actually care about how people view you, it develops a skill of reading the most subtle changes in people’s emotional states, leading ultimately to a heightened sense of empathy.

#5: MAKING THEM PLAY SPORTS

You’d Think…

Nobody wants their child to grow up a dateless nerd, so as soon as his bones harden up, it’s off to football practice. There, the guy who used to steal your lunch money and punched a girl at recess in fourth grade will teach your children important life lessons about fair play and sportsmanship, which will naturally transform them into honest, hard working adults.

But in Reality…

Remember your school days, when Steve the quarterback managed to keep passing his classes despite firmly believing that the first president of the United States was George Washington Carver? If you suspected he was cheating somehow, a study of over 5000 students from the Los Angeles-based Josephson Institute seems to confirm it. According to the study, athletes are some of the most dishonest kids in school, with football players turning out the worst with over 72 percent admitting to having cheated during various examinations. Where does this attitude come from? The study suggests it might be the coaches.

#4 STARTING THEM IN SCHOOL EARLY

You’d Think…

Education must not wait. Your parents waited until you were seven before sending you to school and look at how you turned out and you don’t want your child to suffer the same ill-fate. Is six-months old too early to start attending school? Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?

But in Reality…

We hope you didn’t have any plans to remodel your basement, because your kid will be living there for a very long time. A study by the National Foundation for Educational Research in the UK has concluded that children who start schooling before the age of six are more likely to drop out from higher education facilities, smoke weed and play guitar badly.

Researchers say sending kids to school before they’ve developed even the basic little-kid skills of a six-year-old can cause them to suffer from anxiety attacks and develop low self-esteem issues, giving them a bad attitude about the whole “going to school” thing that follows them throughout their education.

This does introduce children to the hopeless, bitter disappointment that is life and prepares them for their soul crushing future office workplace, but even those places want at least a high school diploma.

(NOTE: Hmm, this is me interrupting. I don’t completely agree with this statement. There have been countless studies that show that your kid is developmentally prepared to go to preschool/kindergarten by age of 4. Enrolling your kid in a educational day care or play group before that is a great heads start.).

# 3: [OVER] WARNING THEM ABOUT STRANGERS

You’d Think…

When it comes to child endangerment, there is no such thing as too careful. It is important that your children understand to be weary of strangers all the time and for them to know all about the potential harm they can cause them

But in Reality…

As it turns out, an overblown emphasis on “Stranger Danger” can be more harmful than good. According to professor Sue Scott from the University of Durham , children should certainly be taught to be cautious of strangers, but what most parents are teaching their kids today can cause them too much anxiety and potentially teach them xenophobia an bigotry.

Statistically children are far, far more likely to be abducted/molested by someone the family knows than a stranger. Teaching children to fear anyone strange or different from themselves manifests itself later as a fear of pretty much the entire outside world.

# 2: HEAPING PRAISE ON THEM

You’d Think…

Your parents never told you that you were special so you will over praise your child so they will never feel unappreciated. “Great job on the test, son! I loved it how you blocked the ball with your face, son!

But in Reality…

Unfortunately, the self-esteem movement has spoiled a lot of people rotten, because they emotionally can’t handle anyone who doesn’t boost their ego. It turns out there are effects beyond simply making people unbearable to be around. A study published in 2007 by researches from Columbia and Stanford University found that frequently-praised kids eventually came to believe that intelligence and talent were things they were born with, things which under no possible circumstances could be improved. Consequently, they avoided academic situations that presented any kind of challenge and refused to see the value in any activity that required effort, because if they were so amazing, nothing worth doing should be hard, right?

As a result, their grades dropped and they developed motivation and, ironically, self-esteem issues. So the lesson here is, make your kid realize the value of hard work and honest effort before they pop their collars. By then, it will be too late.

# 1: SHOWING THEM EDUCATIONAL VIDEOS

You’d Think…

We’ve all heard of those Baby Einstein educational videos, claiming you can park your one-year-old in front of them and have him transform into a Mozart-playing, Shakespeare-quoting nuclear physicist. Makes sense, children soak up knowledge like little kid-shaped ShamWows. The more info you give them during this crucial soaking stage, the better!

But in Reality…

You may have heard that Disney is offering refunds on its Baby Einstein line of educational DVDs. This came after a research team led by Frederick Zimmerman and Dr. Dimitri Christakis from the University of Washington showed that babies watching the popular educational videos around the age of one learn six to eight less words per hour than children who spent their afternoons putting dirt in their mouths. It’s because, despite what you have been telling yourself for years, virtual interaction is never as good the real thing.

If you really want your children to learn from an early age, you need to read to them and supply them with as much human-on-human interaction as possible, not park their adorable little butts in front of the television. TV programs and Infant Education videos use a series of rapidly changing scenes and constantly bombard your kids with new words. With time, their itsy bitsy minds start to filter out most of the information just to help manage the constant barrage, and voila! The kids develop shorter attention spans.

Interesting article, huh? I loved that they made the educational videos issue #1. At the daycare, we usually would use the Baby Einstein videos when we were teaching the kids the concept of “water”. There was a really cool video where images of water would appear, like the ocean, pools and glasses of water, and the kids would be totally engaged, but I did notice they became really distracted after the video was over. Hopefully, you’ve noticed this too and have banned the videos from your home. I believe they’re OK for once-in-a-while use, when you really need something to keeo them entertained, but other than that, don’t expect your kid to learn much form the video.